Saturday, December 17, 2011

Meet the Infomercial Scam King The Feds Just Nailed For $38 Million

Meet the Infomercial Scam King The Feds Just Nailed For $38 Million

FINALLY!!!1! Of course this will not convince his most stringent adherents, who will just think this is a conspiracy theory.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Where in the world is...skyclub79?

Do you ever wonder where an ebay seller disappeared to?

I bought 2 of this seller's items and they were great, at a great price and reasonable shipping charges.  Some of the items were really unique.  I bid on a lot more too.  The seller had over 123,000 stars with a 99% positive rating.

Then one day I got a security notice from ebay stating the auction had been removed and it may not be the seller's fault.  The entire ebay store, which had 1000s of items the day before, was empty right before Black Friday (a.k.a., the #1 national holiday for jewelry sellers).  That is just like the Easter Bunny disappearing on Good Friday, the groundhog disappearing right before Groundhog Day, or Jesus disappearing right was that holiday again?

The seller remained on ebay until I checked today, and noticed his account was deleted.

There is really nothing  on ebay, or in the rest of  the Milky Way galaxy as far as I can tell, that compares to these items.  I am very sad!  skyclub79...where have you gone?  What have you done to deserve this?

Coooommmmeeee baaaaaack!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

The cheesecake of 1000 knives

Prepare yourself for another irreverent post. I forgive myself, since for the last 18 hours I have been experiencing a sensation most comparable to having dozens of tiny Ginsu knives slowly inserted simultaneously into your thighs, stomach and anus, and then turned.  Sometimes the pain is so bad my eyes start to turn black--especially convenient when operating a motor vehicle. And anyway, cussing relieves pain, so writing this post will probably be worth a few dozen m*&^%$#f$#@$%s. At least that's what I'm hoping.

I had colon cancer a few years ago and had a colon resection. My surgical team told me I'd be back to normal in 3 weeks since I'm young and skinny. Nope. I couldn't even function in polite society for 6 months, if you know what I mean.

Even now, I have to eat in a specific way or face the consequences. Lots of good fat--apparently I can't digest fat like normal people and only have a hope of normalcy if I pile on the Olivio or avocados. Lots of fiber. Lots of vegetables. Now for the "no-nos". No meat or rice, or the Ginsu knives will come. Not too many bananas, not much white flour or sugar, and go easy on the starches. Very little dairy. I mean 1 serving per day, or the Ginsumaster will be doing his handiwork. 4-6 small meals. Sufficient coffee each day (4 shots of espresso) to stimulate my plumbing.

Water, you ask? Yeah, about that. Drinking lots of water has had no affect on this issue. Not drinking enough does, but only if I drink so little I'm dehydrated.

So yesterday I had 1 thin slice of cheese and a thin slice of cheesecake along with a plateful of vegetables and whole grains. For this indulgence I am rewarded with Ginsu.

The people at work praise me for "eating healthy" at lunch. Nope. I'm just a chicken s$#t. I am only eating that to avoid the Ginsu.

When things get backed up--hey, wait a minute, I'll just say it: CONSTIPATED--I have had to employ all over-the-counter and folk remedies available. I do a form of acrobatics on the toilet because moving around opens the pipes. I get a lot of reading done.  Maybe I should invent a table to hold the laptop in the powder room so I could blog in there.  Heck, I've done conference calls in there.

Heating pads. Warm baths. Relaxation techniques. Those pretty much do nothing for the plumbing. Milk thistle, now that works. I can't take it daily because of the other side effects, but I will take it in a bind, so to speak. (hahaha, you have to admit that was a funny pun.) Stool softeners, suppositories, enemas and--as a last resort--laxatives, have become my friends.

But really, get a colonoscopy if you are having symptoms, you're aged 50 or older, or your doctor recommends it. Had I done that when it was suggested, I wouldn't have become a cancer survivor at age 38. They would have removed the polyp in the doctor's office when it was in the precancerous stage and today I would be sleeping at 4 am instead of writhing around, cussing and blogging about poop.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

How legends develop

I've got an hypothesis about how the legend of La Befana developed. No, I haven't bothered to research it much (if you call reading 3 non-scholarly books not researching) because, well, I don't feel like it.

Even if I'm wrong...think about it...this is probably how legends have developed in human history.

La Befana is a witch riding on a broom. From what I can tell there is no exact representation of her so her appearance differs with the storyteller, except she is always an old warty woman with a crooked nose, riding her broom. I am going to assume I don't need to post a pic here since you've all seen Halloween witches. OK.

So basically one of the stories says the 3 wise men visited her in Italy while she was cleaning her house. They were on their way to see Baby Jesus (and to pray to him like they did in Talledaga Nights). They invited her to accompany them but she thought it was a waste of time so she said no.

Later she realized what a glorious opportunity she missed so she searched in vain to catch up to the group. She is still traveling the world but now she delivers gifts to kids instead of searching for the 3 wise men. No word on how she is still alive after all these years while all the other characters in the story are dead, even the Savior. OK.

I don't think I'm taking liberties when I say this is supposed to be symbolic. Prior to Christianity hitting Italy, healers were apparently older, wiser women. That was their religion. If you are familiar with the corno (Italian horn) or evil eye, those are remnants of the old religion.

When Christianity came the accusation was the old practitioners were evil magic doers. To make it seem less appealing, they were said to have warts, crooked noses and backs, wrinkled skin, wear drab colors, and to be really ugly. I suppose the apron is a reference to her being dirty while cleaning house.

Being a "witch" was dangerous for a time in Italy. Not only was it, well, not Christian, it was also a female-centered religion--not acceptable to the Christians whose beliefs and teachings were and are male-centered. The religion went underground. Women who were well-regarded healers were replaced by saints and madonnas with similar attributes to co-opt the locals into Christianity.

So the story of Befana is a story of conversion. She realized the error of her ways and chased after Jesus, but it was too late. Now she is doomed to wander Earth for eternity, searching but not finding Jesus.

There are few writings on the subject. Raven Grimassi seems to be the most well-known, albeit somewhat controversial among actual practitioners of "witchcraft", author of books about Italian folk religion. Here's a link to a few--an interesting glimpse into how legends are created to meet the needs of human beings.

Wikipedia has an interesting article about La Befana, almost as poorly substantiated as mine. ;)

The Befana comes by night
With her shoes all tattered and torn
She comes dressed in the Roman way
Long life to the Befana!