Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Hot Mess Sundae Award: Bizarre Church Lady Stuff

What can I say? A friend gave me these beauts. The envelope has writing on both the front and the back, in ALL CAPS of course, with some random words highlighted in electric yellow. Inside there are a few pamphlets, all with crosses and Jesus on them. The black-and-white one is particularly strange. Random words are in ALL CAPS, bold, or underlined in red.

Apparently if you become a member of the Seed Harvest Plan (some donation scheme no doubt), you will be cured of Cancer, addictions, and of the ever-so-terrible Low Income Syndrome. Yes, all you have to do is donate your cash to this group and God will zap you with his Special Wealth Lightning Bolts.

There are two pages of testimonials. Curious--God seems to dole out his Financial Blessings in small doses. He seems to give only $3000 - $24,750. Maybe the economy is hurting the Almighty too.

Of special interest is the sealed inner flyer that says, "IMPORTANT - Only break open this sealed prophecy after you have put this Postcard and your prayer requests back in the mail..." [No, that's not me going crazy with my caps button. It's actually captialized that way.]

So we broke open the seal without sending the cash, of course. We were hoping for lottery numbers. What we got is an entire page in ALL CAPS again, that says a load of nothing. Well, I take that back. It does say I will feel the INNER POWER OF CHRIST GROWING INSIDE ME.

I think I do feel the inner power growing inside me!!!1! Or is that just the bran muffins I had for breakfast?

1 comment:

  1. This will never work for you. You don't have faith, not even the size of a mustard seed.