Saturday, January 9, 2010

Table manners--ick!

So last evening we went to a restaurant--not the fanciest, but fine dining sort where you don't act like an ape or read the newspaper at your table. Generally.

While waiting for our food I was treated to an unobscured view of a young simian consuming giant tortilla chips with mounds of salsa, all in one bite.

Gobs of salsa kept falling off his shovels, so he smeared the blobs around the tabletop and filled them back up, lowering his entire head to shorten the distance to his mouth.

He would stick about 3-4 bites' worth of food into his mouth at once. He had a tried and true technique whereby he'd put 2 bits in first, pause to unlock his lower jaw joint, then stick the rest in.

How he could do this without gagging, I haven't a clue. @ one point I believed he was going to need the Heimlich Maneuver, but I was sadly mistaken. (j/k about the last part)

I glanced over and his dad was downing a bucket-sized soda (fizzy drink) all in one gulp, reading the newspaper, and wiping the grease on it.

Then their food came, and it was like a train wreck I couldn't look away from.

They ordered deep fried, cheesy entrees and were consuming them faster than I have ever seen a human being eat.

Maybe they are professional speed eaters.

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