Things we need to abolish in 2012!

1.  "I feel like..." when expressing an opinion:  "I feel like that skirt does not do you justice."  Just say, "I don't like it," or, "That skirt doesn't do you justice," dammit.

2.  "Counter-intuitive."  This word is gaining popularity again and we need to quash it.  NOW.  Before it gets out of hand.

3.  "Amazing."  If you don't already know why this is on the list, I can't help ya.

4.  Rape terms to discuss things that are not rape:  "He screwed me over," "F--- you," "Take it up the ---" and so on.  ENOUGH.  Surely we can express ourselves creatively in other ways.

5.  Columns on Internet documents.  I mean, come on.  If your document is primarily published on the Internet, separating the whole thing into 2 columns is stupid and outright hostile to your readers.  Case in point: The Federal Register.  So annoying.

Table manners--ick!

So last evening we went to a restaurant--not the fanciest, but fine dining sort where you don't act like an ape or read the newspaper at your table. Generally.

While waiting for our food I was treated to an unobscured view of a young simian consuming giant tortilla chips with mounds of salsa, all in one bite.

Gobs of salsa kept falling off his shovels, so he smeared the blobs around the tabletop and filled them back up, lowering his entire head to shorten the distance to his mouth.

He would stick about 3-4 bites' worth of food into his mouth at once. He had a tried and true technique whereby he'd put 2 bits in first, pause to unlock his lower jaw joint, then stick the rest in.

How he could do this without gagging, I haven't a clue. @ one point I believed he was going to need the Heimlich Maneuver, but I was sadly mistaken. (j/k about the last part)

I glanced over and his dad was downing a bucket-sized soda (fizzy drink) all in one gulp, reading the newspaper, and wiping the grease on it.

Then their food came, and it was like a train wreck I couldn't look away from.

They ordered deep fried, cheesy entrees and were consuming them faster than I have ever seen a human being eat.

Maybe they are professional speed eaters.